she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
