where am i from again
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
