We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
