If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
