Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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