Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't turn off my feet"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
