So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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