How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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