You just made me feel so damn special
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
