fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
