Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We named our party play list daddy issues
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
