Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
