I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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