I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
