Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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