I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
