I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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