i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need a beard to bite.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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