Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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