dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
