i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
