1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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