I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
