Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
