Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's get the cat blown out
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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