Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i came on her dog
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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