Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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