i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
