All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
