Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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