I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
