I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who died my cat blue again?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
