I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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