my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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