just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
