Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
