I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I touched a dick in church today
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
