He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
