Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
