we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
