How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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