so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
