I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I need to stop coming to work sober
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
