i was born a porn star she said
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
