I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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