its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
