Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
