There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
