he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
