Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
