thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
