if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i believe in u and ur pee
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
