question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
