Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
