my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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