Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
