sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
